Little Johnny walks past his parents' room one night and sees them making love. Puzzled, he asks his father about it the next morning.
"Why were you doing that to Mommy last night?" he asks.
His father replies: "Because Mommy wants a baby."
The next night, Johnny spots Mommy giving Daddy a blowjob, and the next morning he asks his father: "Why was Mommy doing that to you last night?"
His father replies: "Because Mommy wants a Porsche."
Showing posts with label Little Johnny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Little Johnny. Show all posts
Hot For Teacher
A pretty teacher was concerned about one of her 11-year-old students. Taking him aside after class one day, she said: "Little Johnny, why has your schoolwork been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked: "With whom?"
"With you," he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently: "Don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly: "I'll use a rubber."
"I'm in love," the boy replied.
Holding back an urge to smile, she asked: "With whom?"
"With you," he said.
"But Johnny," she said gently: "Don't you see how silly that is? It's true that I would like a husband of my own someday. But I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry," the boy said reassuringly: "I'll use a rubber."
Side Pain
At Sunday school, they were teaching how G~d created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him how Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs.
Later in the week, his mother
noticed him lying down as though he was ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I am going to have a wife."
Later in the week, his mother
noticed him lying down as though he was ill, and she said, "Johnny, what is the matter?"
Little Johnny responded, "I have pain in my side. I think I am going to have a wife."
Black Eye
Little Johnny's teacher noticed that he was sporting a black eye. She asked him what happened, and he replied, "Ma'am, you remember I told you how I sleep on the floor next to my parent's bed? Well, last night, my dad asked me if I was still awake, I said yes and then he punched me in the face."
"Ok, Johnny", the teacher said, trying to help, " the next time your dad asks you if you're still awake, don't answer, just lay still and pretend to be asleep."
All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came to class with another black eye. The teacher asked him why he didn't follow her advice.
Johnny explained, "Ma'am, I tried to, when dad asked me if I was awake, I kept quiet and lay really still, and pretended to be asleep, but then Dad said 'I'm coming', and Mom said 'I'm coming too', and I didn't want them to go anywhere without me, so I shouted, 'Let me just put on my slippers, I'm coming too' and that's when I got punched in the face."
"Ok, Johnny", the teacher said, trying to help, " the next time your dad asks you if you're still awake, don't answer, just lay still and pretend to be asleep."
All went well, until a few weeks later, Little Johnny came to class with another black eye. The teacher asked him why he didn't follow her advice.
Johnny explained, "Ma'am, I tried to, when dad asked me if I was awake, I kept quiet and lay really still, and pretended to be asleep, but then Dad said 'I'm coming', and Mom said 'I'm coming too', and I didn't want them to go anywhere without me, so I shouted, 'Let me just put on my slippers, I'm coming too' and that's when I got punched in the face."
Police Station Field Trip
Little Johnny's kindergarten class was on a field trip to their local police station where they saw pictures tacked to a bulletin board of the 10 most wanted criminals. One of the youngsters pointed to a picture and asked if it really was the photo of a wanted person.
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
"Yes," said the policeman. "The detectives want very badly to capture him."
Little Johnny asked, "Why didn't you keep him when you took his picture?"
Game
Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, can little girls have babies?"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
"No," said his mom, "of course not."
Little Johnny then ran back outside and his mom heard him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!"
Raw Materials
In school one day the teacher decided that in science class she would teach about materials; So she stood in the front of the class and said, "Children, if you could have one raw material in the world what would it be?"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is
worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie. Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette".
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon." The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"
He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!"
Little Stevie raised his hand and said "I would want gold, because gold is
worth a lot of money and I could buy a Porsche."
The teacher nodded and called on little Susie. Little Susie said, "I would want platinum because platinum is worth more than gold and I could buy a Corvette".
The teacher smiled and then called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny stood up and said, "I would want silicon." The teacher said, "Why Johnny?"
He responded by saying, "Because my mom has two bags of it and you should see all the sports cars outside our house!!"
Johnny's Little Brother
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm.
He asked his mom, "Where'd we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny says, "WOW! I can see why they threw him out!"
Johnny's Solution
The teacher wrote on the blackboard: "I ain't had no fun in months." Then asked the class, "How should I correct this sentence?"
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."
Little Johnny raised his had and replied, "Get yourself a new boyfriend."
Fascinate
A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word fascinate."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I really wanted the word fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word fascinate" so she called on him.
Little Johnny said, "My sisters sweater has 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted the word fascinate."
Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good, but I really wanted the word fascinate."
Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because Johnny was noted for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word fascinate" so she called on him.
Little Johnny said, "My sisters sweater has 10 buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten 8."
It Shows That You’re Thinking
A young female teacher was giving her class of 6-year-olds a quiz.
"Behind my back, I have something red, round and you can eat it," she said: "What is it?"
"An apple," replied little Raymond.
"No," said the teacher: "It's a tomato but it shows that you’re thinking. I now have something round, a greenish color and you can eat it."
"An apple," replied little Ian.
"No, it's an onion, but it shows that you’re thinking," the teacher said.
Little scruffy Johnny at the back of the class finally piped up and said: "I have something under my desk that's an inch long, white and it has a red end."
"You dirty little boy!" exclaimed the teacher.
"No, it's a match, but it shows that you were thinking," he answered.
"Behind my back, I have something red, round and you can eat it," she said: "What is it?"
"An apple," replied little Raymond.
"No," said the teacher: "It's a tomato but it shows that you’re thinking. I now have something round, a greenish color and you can eat it."
"An apple," replied little Ian.
"No, it's an onion, but it shows that you’re thinking," the teacher said.
Little scruffy Johnny at the back of the class finally piped up and said: "I have something under my desk that's an inch long, white and it has a red end."
"You dirty little boy!" exclaimed the teacher.
"No, it's a match, but it shows that you were thinking," he answered.
Little Johnny In The Dark
Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Little J J J Johnny
Little Johnny is sitting in biology class, when his teacher states the fact that only humans stutter, and no other animal in the world does.
Johnny raises his hand and says. "You're wrong, Miss Finch!"
"Really, would you mind telling us why that is Johnny?," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss Finch, the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch. The neighbors' Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat went "fffff! fffff! fffff!", and before he could say "Fuck!", the dog ate him!"
Johnny raises his hand and says. "You're wrong, Miss Finch!"
"Really, would you mind telling us why that is Johnny?," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss Finch, the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch. The neighbors' Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat went "fffff! fffff! fffff!", and before he could say "Fuck!", the dog ate him!"
Little Johnny's Dad
A Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?"
"No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."
"No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."
The Truth
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate
that most adults are hiding at least one dark
secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail
them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decided to go home and try it
out. He went home, and as he was greeted by his
mother he said, "I know the whole truth." His
mother quickly handed him $20 and said, "Just
don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waited for his father
to get home from work, and greeted him with,
"I know the whole truth." Johnny's father promptly
handed him $50 and said, "Please don't say a
word to your mother!"
Very pleased, the boy was on his way to school
the next day when he saw the mailman at his front
door. Little Johnny greeted him by saying, "I
know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately dropped the mail, opened
his arms saying, "Then come give your daddy a
big hug."
that most adults are hiding at least one dark
secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail
them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decided to go home and try it
out. He went home, and as he was greeted by his
mother he said, "I know the whole truth." His
mother quickly handed him $20 and said, "Just
don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waited for his father
to get home from work, and greeted him with,
"I know the whole truth." Johnny's father promptly
handed him $50 and said, "Please don't say a
word to your mother!"
Very pleased, the boy was on his way to school
the next day when he saw the mailman at his front
door. Little Johnny greeted him by saying, "I
know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately dropped the mail, opened
his arms saying, "Then come give your daddy a
big hug."
Doctor
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
Good Manners
A teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
Michael said: Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?
Sherman said: I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.
That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?
Johnny said I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.
Annoying Boy On Bus
Little Johnny walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, ''If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull.''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy Little Johnny , who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
Little Johnny goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at Little Johnny , ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''
Little Johnny smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''
The driver starts getting mad at the noisy Little Johnny , who continues with, ''If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant.''
Little Johnny goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at Little Johnny , ''What if your dad was gay and your mom was a prostitute?!''
Little Johnny smiles and says, ''I would be a bus driver!''
Johnny Likes to Gamble
Little Johnny likes to gamble.
One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.
Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."
So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him."
The teacher says OK, she can handle it.
The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."
She says yes I know who you are.
Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten dollars you've got a mole on your butt."
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.
She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.
That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.
So his dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost."
The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem."
Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he'd see your ass before the day was over."
One day his dad gets a new job so his family has to move to a new city.
Johnny's daddy thinks, "I'll get a head start on Johnny's gambling."
So he calls the teacher and says, "My son Johnny will be starting your class tomorrow but he likes to gamble so you'll have to keep an eye on him."
The teacher says OK, she can handle it.
The next day Johnny walks into class and hands the teacher an apple and says, "Hi, my name is Johnny."
She says yes I know who you are.
Johnny smiles and says, "I bet you ten dollars you've got a mole on your butt."
The teacher thinks that she will break his little gambling problem so she takes him up on the bet.
She pulls her pants down and shows him her butt and there was no mole.
That afternoon, Johnny goes home and tells his dad that he lost ten dollars to the teacher and why.
So his dad calls the teacher and says, "Johnny said that he bet you that you had a mole on your butt and he lost."
The teacher says, "Yeah, and I think I broke his gambling problem."
Johnny's dad laughs and says, "No you didn't, he bet me a hundred dollars this morning that he'd see your ass before the day was over."
Little Johnny Can't Count
"If you had a dollar," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked your father for another dollar and fifty cents, how much money would you have?"
"One dollar." answered little Johnny
"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
"One dollar." answered little Johnny
"You don't know your basic math." said the teacher shaking her head, disappointed.
Little Johnny shook his head too, "You don't know my daddy."
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