Password
A woman was helping her husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the
process, told him that he would now need to enter a password.. Something he will use to
log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to
bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he
made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in
P...
E...
N...
I...
S.
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***
process, told him that he would now need to enter a password.. Something he will use to
log on.
The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to
bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he
made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in
P...
E...
N...
I...
S.
His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied:
***PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH***
Lottery Windfall
A redneck wins the lottery and goes to Austin to claim his winnings. The man behind the counter verifies the redneck's ticket number and the redneck says: "I want my $20 million. Where is it?"
The man behind the counter replies: "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
The redneck says: "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The redneck, furious with the man, screams out: "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20 million dollars right now, then I want my dollar back!"
The man behind the counter replies: "No, sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19 years."
The redneck says: "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it and I want it."
Again, the man explains that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the next 19 years. The redneck, furious with the man, screams out: "Look, I want my money! If you're not going to give me my 20 million dollars right now, then I want my dollar back!"
Blonde Repair Job
A blonde was driving her car home one night when she suddenly found herself in the middle of a dreadful hailstorm. The hailstones were as big as golf balls and her car got dented up very badly.
The next day, she takes the car to a repair shop to have the dents looked at. The repair guy, noticing that she is blonde and pretty flaky, decides to have some fun and tells her to blow into the tailpipe of the car really hard when she gets home, and that doing so will cause all of the dents to pop out.
When she gets home, she starts blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she can, over and over. Just then, her best friend -- who also is blonde -- shows up. Her friend sees her blowing into the tailpipe and is quite startled by the action. She blurts out: "What are you doing?"
She tells her the repair guy told her to blow into the tailpipe real hard and the dents would pop out.
Her girlfriend says: "Duh! You need to roll up the windows first!"
The next day, she takes the car to a repair shop to have the dents looked at. The repair guy, noticing that she is blonde and pretty flaky, decides to have some fun and tells her to blow into the tailpipe of the car really hard when she gets home, and that doing so will cause all of the dents to pop out.
When she gets home, she starts blowing into the tailpipe as hard as she can, over and over. Just then, her best friend -- who also is blonde -- shows up. Her friend sees her blowing into the tailpipe and is quite startled by the action. She blurts out: "What are you doing?"
She tells her the repair guy told her to blow into the tailpipe real hard and the dents would pop out.
Her girlfriend says: "Duh! You need to roll up the windows first!"
Name
A woman three months pregnant falls into a deep coma. Six months later, she awakes and asks the nearest doctor about the fate of her baby.
"You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine," says the doctor. "Luckily, your brother named them for you."
"Oh shit, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he call the girl?"
"Denise," the doctor replies.
Thinking that isn't so bad, she asks, "And what did he call the boy?"
The doctor answers, "Denephew."
"You had twins, a boy and a girl, and they are both fine," says the doctor. "Luckily, your brother named them for you."
"Oh shit, not my brother! He's an idiot! What did he call the girl?"
"Denise," the doctor replies.
Thinking that isn't so bad, she asks, "And what did he call the boy?"
The doctor answers, "Denephew."
Little Carol
Little Carol came into the kitchen where her mother was making dinner.
Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. 'Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.'
Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol's mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.
Carol's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God:
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday I want a red one.
Your friend,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over
LETTER 2:
Dear God:
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I
would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and started
again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God:
I know I haven't been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a
good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a
bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol's mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad.
'Just be home in time for dinner,' her mother said.
Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God.
LETTER 4:
I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO
Her birthday was coming up and she thought this was a good time to tell her mother what she wanted. 'Mom, I want a bike for my birthday.'
Now, Little Carol was a bit of a troublemaker. She had gotten into trouble at school and at home. Carol's mother asked her if she thought she deserved to get a bike for her birthday. Little Carol, of course, thought she did.
Carol's mother, being a Christian woman, wanted her to reflect on her behavior over the last year, and write a letter to God and tell him why she deserved a bike for her birthday. Little Carol stomped up the steps to her room and sat down to write God a letter.
LETTER 1:
Dear God:
I have been a very good girl this year and I would like a bike for my
birthday I want a red one.
Your friend,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true. She had not been a very good girl this year, so she tore up the letter and started over
LETTER 2:
Dear God:
This is your friend Carol. I have been a pretty good girl this year, and I
would like a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew this wasn't true either. She tore up the letter and started
again.
LETTER 3:
Dear God:
I know I haven't been a good girl this year. I am very sorry. I will be a
good girl if you just send me a red bike for my birthday.
Thank you,
Carol
Carol knew, even if it was true, this letter was not going to get her a
bike. By now, she was very upset. She went downstairs and told her mother she wanted to go to church. Carol's mother thought her plan had worked because Carol looked very sad.
'Just be home in time for dinner,' her mother said.
Carol walked down the street to the church and up to the altar. She looked around to see if anyone was there. She picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary, slipped it under her jacket and ran out of the church, down the street, into her house, and up to her room. She shut the door and sat down and wrote her letter to God.
LETTER 4:
I GOT YOUR MAMA.
IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE BIKE.
Signed,
YOU KNOW WHO
Sardar's Question
1.) What do you call a sardar who has only one drink? Just-one Singh.
What do you call a sardar who drinks only beer? Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).
2.) How did the Sardar try to kill the bird? He threw it off a cliff.
3.) Why can't Sardars make ice cubes? They always forget the recipe.
4.) Why do Sardars work seven days a week? So you don't have to re-train them on Monday
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