Little Johnny asked his father, "Dad, can you write in the dark?"
His father said, "I think so. What do you want me to write?"
Little Johnny replied, "Oh, just sign this report card for me..."
Little J J J Johnny
Little Johnny is sitting in biology class, when his teacher states the fact that only humans stutter, and no other animal in the world does.
Johnny raises his hand and says. "You're wrong, Miss Finch!"
"Really, would you mind telling us why that is Johnny?," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss Finch, the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch. The neighbors' Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat went "fffff! fffff! fffff!", and before he could say "Fuck!", the dog ate him!"
Johnny raises his hand and says. "You're wrong, Miss Finch!"
"Really, would you mind telling us why that is Johnny?," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss Finch, the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch. The neighbors' Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat went "fffff! fffff! fffff!", and before he could say "Fuck!", the dog ate him!"
Little Johnny's Dad
A Sunday school teacher asked Little Johnny, "Do you believe in the Devil?"
"No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."
"No," said Little Johnny. "It's the same as Santa Claus. I know it's my daddy."
Empty
A child came crying to his mother and complained that he has severe stomach-ache. She told him, “It is because your belly is empty. Come and have some food.” The child obeyed.
The next day the mother had a heavy head ache.The child consoled her, saying innocently, “Mommy, it is because your head is empty!”
The next day the mother had a heavy head ache.The child consoled her, saying innocently, “Mommy, it is because your head is empty!”
The Truth
At school Little Johnny was told by a classmate
that most adults are hiding at least one dark
secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail
them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decided to go home and try it
out. He went home, and as he was greeted by his
mother he said, "I know the whole truth." His
mother quickly handed him $20 and said, "Just
don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waited for his father
to get home from work, and greeted him with,
"I know the whole truth." Johnny's father promptly
handed him $50 and said, "Please don't say a
word to your mother!"
Very pleased, the boy was on his way to school
the next day when he saw the mailman at his front
door. Little Johnny greeted him by saying, "I
know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately dropped the mail, opened
his arms saying, "Then come give your daddy a
big hug."
that most adults are hiding at least one dark
secret, and that this makes it very easy to blackmail
them by saying, "I know the whole truth."
Little Johnny decided to go home and try it
out. He went home, and as he was greeted by his
mother he said, "I know the whole truth." His
mother quickly handed him $20 and said, "Just
don't tell your father."
Quite pleased, the boy waited for his father
to get home from work, and greeted him with,
"I know the whole truth." Johnny's father promptly
handed him $50 and said, "Please don't say a
word to your mother!"
Very pleased, the boy was on his way to school
the next day when he saw the mailman at his front
door. Little Johnny greeted him by saying, "I
know the whole truth."
The mailman immediately dropped the mail, opened
his arms saying, "Then come give your daddy a
big hug."
Jack's Last Will
Jack has died. His lawyer is standing before the family and reads out Jack's Last Will and Testament:
"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars.
To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar.
To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000.
And to my son-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill."
Going to School
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
Son: "But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
Mother: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
Son: "Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers too hate me"
Mother: "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
Son: "Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
Mother: "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
Son: "But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
Mother: "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
Son: "Well, the kids hate me, and the teachers too hate me"
Mother: "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready."
Son: "Give me two reasons why I should go to school."
Mother: "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal!"
ATM's Sardar
A sardar was drawing money from ATM, the sardar behind him in the line said, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! I've seen ur password. Its 4 asterisks (****). "
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"
The first sardar replies, "Ha! Ha! Haaa! U R wrong, Its 1258"
Sardar on Manmohan singh
A man asked sardarji, why Manmohan singh goes walking at evening not in the morning.
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''
Note: Manmohan Singh is the Prime Minister (PM) of INDIA
Sardarji replied ''Arey bhai Manmohan is PM not AM''
Note: Manmohan Singh is the Prime Minister (PM) of INDIA
Doctor
Teacher: What do you want to become?
Little Johnny: Doctor !!
Teacher: Why?
Little Johnny: Coz its the only profession where u can tell a woman to take off her clothes and ask her husband to pay for it.
Good Manners
A teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?
Michael said: Just a minute I have to go pee.' The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?
Sherman said: I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.
That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?
Johnny said I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce you to after dinner.
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